i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You are a genius and a whore.
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