Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
