I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
