watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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