Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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