why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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