I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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