You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize