Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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