a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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