he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize