grandma shit on top of the toilet
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
