So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
