dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
