so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
