I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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