Cold hands, warm shart.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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