rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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