You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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