Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
