I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
