Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
