I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
