It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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