The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize