Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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