I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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