so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize