I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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