benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
