I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
