I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
