U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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