Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
