I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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