I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
