I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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