She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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