Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
