my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you are never too drunk for berry picking
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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