I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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