maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize