I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize