haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
