hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
