stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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