I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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