she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Welp...herpes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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