you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
