Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
