I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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