i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
