just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
