She is in my trunk
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
