11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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