Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
