Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
