man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
