I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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