dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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