So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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