Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
