Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
