You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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